My life with methylphenidate

Methylphenidate is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Present in the List of Schedule II drugs, along with cocaine and methamphetamine. It is usually prescribed for treat narcolepsy and ADHD. It is not addictive in the tablet form, however inhaled or injected is virtually distinguishable of cocaine. It has a high risk for abuse and addiction.

The following will based in a treatment with a proper medical prescription.

It considerably stimulates. In the process of adapting to methylphenidate, the body may present sweating, agitation, accelerated heart rate, dilated pupils among other side effects. In some rares cases death or heart attack.

In a long term, if the patient is unstable, it could lead to obsessive, paranoid, depressive behaviors and even suicide. On the other hand, with an adequate follow-up, improves motivation and attention.

The artificial motivation boost the performance in the sports and the tasks, that is to say, everything related to the logic and the physical activities; however, it comes with a loss of spontaneity and natural inspiration.

My experience

It gave me tachycardia and excessive sleepiness when I stopped using it. I got addicted to coffee and chocolate. In fact, I liked to mix chocolate with coffee and when I didn’t do so, I felt terrible. I loved to smell the coffee grains with all my being and I sighed with satisfaction. Later I needed to eat chocolate each one or two hours.

When I started taking it again, as if by magic, I stopped needing chocolate and my tachycardia was gone. A tablet of methylphenidate is like eating chocolates all the day, rather like driking a powerful coffe that last all the day. When I don’t take it and I’m feeling dizzy, I buy a Red Bull can to feel good.

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This must not be done -specially if you had never taken the methylphenidate before-, but I just put a little in powder form under my tongue and it felt so elevated, everything is accelerated. I’m looking at the void, just as longing for it, I don’t have words for describing it, but after that experience everything is colorless, boring or non-sense.

You must not take alcohol with methylphenidate because it could cause and adverse reaction. But I’m just too curious, to tell you the truth, the alcohol doesn’t affect me at all because the methylphenidate cancels the alcohol. However, I seldom drink. What it takes to make someone drunk only makes me feel a bit sleepy and my balance is still perfect. However the acetaldehyde affects me the same as any person, I mean, it is not funny to be thirsty and have to take 5 cups of coffee to get back to the normality.

We, the people with ADHD, are four times more prone to get addicted to drugs. So it would explain my addictive behavior. But I think that it really made addict, let’s be realistic, all these things aren’t normal. Some people is more addictive than others.

My opinion

 

It’s part of me, it made what I’m. I lived long time struggling against it, I used to said it wouldn’t allow me to be truly myself. I think that a part of my is artificial, artificial or natural is part of me though. You may lose your bearings with methylphenidate, so you don’t know who you are.

Who am I? How is it possible to ask to yourself this? How can I live with memories of two different persons at the same time? I want to delve more into this question. Imagine that you have an accident and you lose your brain, then you have a brain transplant with all your old memories transferred to your new brain. Would you be the same person? I think yes, but it would be like having a new mind. With a new brain you will experience new things, new feelings, as if you were another person.

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Then you’ll wonder if you died in that accident -and you are a new person-, or you are still the same person.

Now imagine that your mind is the Schrödinger’s cat , you are an alive and death cat at the same time. Which one is the real? Is even something considered real?

These days I discovered the reversibility of the mind. Our mind state depends on a wheel or a chain of conditions. Buddhism teach about conditioned things, as saṅkhāra. “All is conditioning”. Then I discovery that if we eliminate the causes of a conditioning, we could move in reverse in the levels of the mind. Thus, move into a level less restrained by conditioning. I told you this because I lived in reserve many years the last months, feelings and thoughts that I had thought disappeared are still there.

Then I realized that the mind is a computer -the body’s computer- since it can be programmed with beliefs, its conditioned, and of course can be artificially modified.

If the human being, all what a person is, is reduced to a computer, then truly I told you that we live in a vile matrix. But the crazy, the philosophers, the drug addicts and the spiritual people share one thing, we all are in the pursuit of the world of Forms. Dying at every moment, losing everything, unintelligible, that is what life is like.

To give my opinion it was important to philosophize ;) , I think that methylphenidate is kind of a risky medicine to take, however it is beneficial day by day. It help me a lot since I have the autism spectrum disorder with attention deficit. I couldn’t be more disconnected of world, autistic and distracted.

I understand the risk, and it’s wise that the parents choose to avoid it. So I think that everything is up to the parents, they have to talk with the doctor and choose what they think is the better for their children. Please avoid it if possible and rather choose therapies, instills love to sports and arts to your children.

Spanish version.

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